For a long time, I thought joy depended on how well my life was going. When things moved in the direction I wanted, it was easier to feel good about where I was. But when life didn’t look the way I expected, or I started thinking about things I hadn’t accomplished yet, it became much harder to appreciate what was already in front of me.
Comparison didn’t help either. It’s easy to look at someone else’s life and focus on what they have that you don’t. Before you know it, you focus so much on what’s missing that you overlook what’s actually good about your own life.
One of the biggest things I’ve had to learn is that I can’t control everything. I can make plans. I can set goals. I can work toward the things I want. But outcomes, circumstances, and timelines will still be outside my control. And trying to control those things only left me more stressed and worried.
As I’ve strengthened my relationship with God, I’ve been learning how to surrender more of that control to Him. I still do what’s within my control, but I’m learning to trust God with what isn’t.
That shift has helped me experience more joy in the life I have right now. Not because I have everything I want. I still have goals. I still have things I’m praying for, and things I hope will happen in my future. But I’m learning that I can still want more for my life without overlooking the good that’s already in it.
And I think that’s a big part of learning how to find joy in life. Joy doesn’t have to wait until everything goes according to plan. Sometimes it starts with appreciating where you are, trusting God with where you’re going, and allowing yourself to enjoy the life you’re living along the way. Let’s discuss more in depth how to find joy in your life.
Stop Waiting for Everything to Go According to Plan
For a lot of people, joy is when your life is going exactly the way you want it to. But actually, that is not the case. You can find joy at any phase of life, whether you are successful or not. Of course, your life going as you want it to feels amazing, but oftentimes on the road to the life you want, there are many bumps in the road or roadblocks.
Success is not always a straight line. You might do well one year and have a setback the next. This applies to any area of your life. Whether your goal is to get healthier, get married, make more money, strengthen your faith, etc., there will always be setbacks or obstacles at some point. You might self-sabotage, have a weak moment, lose your job, or make the wrong decisions. But even in the midst of all of that, joy can still be there.
It will start to show up when you realize you are not perfect. Even if things aren’t going the way you hoped, that doesn’t mean change isn’t coming. I’ve wanted to be married since I was in my 20s. Now, as I write this, I am a 42-year-old woman who is single. Do I still want to be married? Yes. But do I still have joy in my life? Absolutely! My life, when it comes to relationships, didn’t go as planned. But a relationship does not define my joy. I need to have joy within myself. A relationship can add to my joy, but God is the only thing that can bring me joy. We will discuss that more in the next section.
Remember, not every box needs to be checked off for joy to be present. Joy can be smack dab in the middle of wherever you are currently.
Strengthen Your Relationship With God
The most important part of increasing joy in my life was increasing my relationship with God. Even though I have always believed in God, I haven’t always had a good relationship with Him. I used to go about my life, making decisions based on what I thought was right and according to what I wanted to do. I always wanted to be a good person, but being a good person and having a relationship with God are not the same thing. There are many people in this world who do good things and are kind hearted people, but that doesn’t mean they have a relationship with God.
In the past, I would only pray when I really needed help or was in a tough situation. But that is not a true relationship. That was more like a one sided relationship. I had to realize that God is not a genie in a bottle, there to grant my wishes. He is way more than that. He is our Creator, our Father, our protector, our guide, and He loves us unconditionally, even though we don’t deserve it. He gave us Jesus to be our savior and save us from our sins.
This is what I had to realize, and it changed my whole mindset about building a relationship with God. I like to think of it like any relationship we have in life. To develop a relationship, we need consistent communication. That means not just talking to God when I need Him, but also when I don’t. I talk about my day, praise Him for how wonderful He is, and thank Him for what He has done. Also, reading the Bible allows us to get to know Him and how He wants us to live our lives.
The closer my relationship became, the more my joy increased. I was not basing my joy on worldly things like how successful I was or whether I was in a romantic relationship. My joy became rooted in God. The joy of knowing I am unconditionally loved and that I have God’s covering.
Like it says in Philippines 4:7 God gives a peace that we will never understand.
Philippians 4:7
“and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
With that peace comes a joy. A joy of knowing that, regardless of the circumstances that arise in life, God’s presence will always be a stable force in your life.
If you’re seeking joy in your life, my advice is to get to know the Lord and start building a relationship with Him. And get to the point where you can accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. It will be the best decision you ever make.
Pay Attention to What You Already Have
Besides strengthening my relationship with God, the second biggest part of finding joy in life is gratitude and appreciation. Far too often, in our daily lives, we don’t stop to think about what we are grateful for. This is probably because many people rarely slow down long enough to acknowledge what they are grateful for in their lives. When is the last time you thought of 5 things you are grateful for? Let’s do that right now.
- Think of 3 things you are grateful for when it comes to your health
- What are 3 things you are grateful for when it comes to your job
- Think of 3 things you are grateful for when it comes to your relationships, family, and friendships
- Lastly, what are 3 things you are grateful for when it comes to you (your appearance, personality, etc)
The purpose of this exercise is to get used to pointing out the positive things around us that we might ignore. After you do this exercise more often, it becomes harder to see only the negative things in your life. The gratitude you show for the things in your life is gratitude you show to God. So this goes hand in hand with growing your relationship with God as well.
Showing appreciation to people around you is important as well. Saying thank you does a lot more than you think. Yes, it’s the polite thing to do, but being intentional about saying thank you helps you notice the things around you that you can be grateful for. It also makes other people feel appreciated as well.
When I used to take public transportation, I would just get off the bus or train and say nothing to the driver. But as I became more grateful in my life, I started thanking bus and train drivers. It’s not something I have to do, but showing appreciation for things small and large makes a difference.
Stop Letting Comparison Steal What’s Good About Your Life
A very popular quote is “comparison is the theft of joy”. This quote is very true, especially now when social media is as big as it is. Everybody is sharing their lives, their successes, and the material things that they have. It can become very easy to look at someone else and wish you had their life or wish you were more successful.
The truth is, we never know what is really going on in another person’s life. Whether it is someone on social media, on TV, or in your personal life, people only show you what they want you to see. They don’t show how they could barely pay their rent last month or that their relationship is struggling. And here you are wishing you had their life when their life is in shambles.
That is why, instead of comparing our lives to the outside world, we need to acknowledge what we like about our lives right now. Compare your life with where you want to be, instead of where you see other people at.
I got caught in the trap of comparing myself to what I was seeing on social media. I saw couples getting engaged, and I wanted that. I saw people getting in shape and wanted my body to look like theirs. I saw people in big, beautiful homes, and my small apartment started to feel like not enough. It made me feel disappointed that I was still single and not successful enough to get that type of house. But I had to stop comparing myself to a life that wasn’t mine. That is someone else’s life, and my life is still amazing even though I don’t have those things yet.
Yes, I want to be married, but that will happen when the time is right for my life. Do I want to lose weight? Of course I do, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be happy with the gradual progress I’ve been making in my health journey.
So instead of comparing your life to others, think about where you want to be and take small, actionable steps to get there. In this blog post, I share a few ways to do that. As you progress in life, take joy in the fact that you are making progress, no matter how small it is.
Do What You Can and Trust God With the Rest
One thing that can be very difficult for people to do is surrendering control. We have an idea of how we want our lives or a situation to go, and we do everything we can to make that happen. For many of us, this can add unnecessary stress to our lives.
This is one thing I struggled with a lot in the past. In relationships, I wanted to control my boyfriend’s actions, and at work, I wanted to control my success. But I had to realize there are many things in life that are out of my control. I had to surrender control to God and do the things that I could do and let God do the rest.
When it came to relationships, I couldn’t control a person’s actions. If a guy was being disrespectful, unfaithful, or abusive, that was out of my control. The only thing I could control was my own actions. And those actions were not to try and change a person. Those actions were to walk away from relationships that were not right for me. The discernment God gave me helped me realize when it was time to walk away. That is why surrendering control is so important. When you surrender control, God will support you in your situation.
This was even more true when it came to a job that I worked at that I hated. The hours were very long, and I had to work some weekends. I really struggled at that job, and I tried my best to succeed, which caused major stress. Even though I was pushing myself to the limit, management still said it wasn’t good enough, and I was completely burned out. I did not feel joy in my life at that time.
One day I had to wake up and realize that if I kept going the way I was going, I was going to have a heart attack or some other illness. So I decided to let go of all of this pressure I was putting on myself and let God take over. I made up my mind to do my job to the best of my ability and not worry about the rest. If I got fired, then at least I knew I did the best I could.
And it turns out I didn’t get fired. I actually did better and got a raise. Because I allowed God to take care of the rest, my mindset shifted. I became more optimistic and upbeat instead of being down all the time. Yes, I still didn’t like my job and wanted to leave, but at least I didn’t have to be miserable the whole time while I was working there. Joy started to appear during that time.
Finding Joy Where You Are
Finding joy in life doesn’t mean everything has to go according to plan. I’ve learned that I can still have goals, want more for my future, and work toward becoming the woman I want to be while appreciating the life God has given me right now.
The more I strengthen my relationship with God, practice gratitude, let go of comparison, and surrender what I can’t control, the more I realize my joy doesn’t have to depend on my circumstances. You can still want more for your life without overlooking the good that’s already in it.
Do what you can, trust God with the rest, and don’t wait for everything to be perfect before allowing yourself to find joy in the life you have right now.
