We live in a society that is overly sexual and loves instant gratification. This type of environment can make it difficult to look at abstinence as something that is realistic. The one thing we are not realizing is that abstinence is not something to be accepted by others, it’s a personal decision between you and God. And not only is it a decision between you and God, but it is also a huge act of self love.
We will discuss how choosing abstinence is choosing God’s way and choosing self love.
Before I approach this topic, I want to first say this blog post is not a post of judgment. I’m writing this post out of love and care for you and your wellbeing. I have been where you are. I’ve lived a life of fornication for many years, and I wanted better for myself, and I want the same for you.
What is Abstinence vs. Celibacy?
Many people use the words abstinence and celibacy interchangeably, but they are not the same thing. Abstinence is waiting to have sex until a certain point; in this case, we are discussing waiting until marriage. Celibacy is the decision not to get married, which in turn means you will not have sex at any point.
In the Christian religion, the subject of abstinence originally comes from the bible. God calls us to be abstinent until marriage, if we choose to get married, and to live a celibate life if we do not plan to get married.
Today, many Christians have strayed away from this way of living due to societal pressure, internal struggles, and a lack of self love. You’re probably wondering what self-love has to do with this. Let’s explore that.
Why Abstinence is an Act of Self Love
When most people think of abstinence, they think more about the restriction of it rather than thinking about how it’s an act of self love. Yes, abstinence can be difficult, especially when you are in a relationship, but it is not a punishment. It is a wonderful way to put your emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing in the forefront. As I discussed in this blog post, self love has many aspects to it. If you haven’t read that blog post, please read that to get a better understanding of self love and why it is important.
A lot of people view sex as something fun and casual, but sex with someone who is not your husband carries more weight than you would think. There is nothing casual about sex. It is something that should be enjoyed with your husband.
The Benefits of Abstinence that Promote Self Love
As I mentioned earlier and in my previous self love blog post, self love involves a mind, body, and spirit transformation. Abstinence is a way to make an improvement in all 3 of those things with just one action. Let’s discuss some benefits of abstinence that promote self love.
Abstinence Provides Clarity
Have you ever noticed couples that seem like they are not right for each other? You wonder why they stay together when they have nothing in common and are not compatible. This might be a friend of yours or a family member. If you ask them why they stay together, they say they have great sexual chemistry.
I hate to break it to you, but just having sexual chemistry is not going to cut it in a relationship. There has to be more to a relationship than just sex.
This is why abstinence is so important. It provides you clarity as to who is really right for you, instead of who you have good sex with. You can have good sex with anybody, but they can be a terrible partner.
Abstinence removes the blinders that sex puts over our eyes. When you are abstinent, you are able to see clearly who a person really is and if they would make a good match for you.
Abstinence Causes You to Be More Intentional
More and more I have heard about couples that have been in a relationship for many years without getting married. Oftentimes times the woman wants to get married but the man is holding up the process. I’ve heard men say they are not where they want to be yet, or they are not ready yet. Some men are honest and say they are not sure if the woman they’re with is the right woman for them.
Regardless of the excuse, when a relationship is going on that long without marriage, there was probably a lack of intention from the start. Don’t get me wrong, there are certain circumstances where both people decide they want to wait to get married for a certain reason, but a lot of the time, there is one person holding things up.
There is one solution for this, and that is abstinence. When intimacy is removed from the equation, you have a better chance of realizing whose intentions are genuine and who is just wasting your time.
A man will be in a relationship with you for years without marrying you as long as you are having sex with him. He is getting what he wants without a true commitment. We have to stop allowing this to happen. The way we do that is by not giving anybody our bodies before marriage.
Reduces Attachment Before a Commitment
Have you ever started dating someone and felt like you’re in love way too soon? Maybe you feel like this is the person for you, but you’re still in the getting to know you stage. This is a common feeling to have when you have become attached to a person. There is nothing wrong with becoming attached to a person at the right time and to the right person.
As women, we tend to develop feelings quicker than men do. We will become attached to a man who has absolutely no attachment to us. One thing that can make that more likely is having sex before marriage.
As I mentioned earlier, sex is not a casual thing. It will cause more attachment to a person, especially for women. So removing that aspect of a relationship can help you reduce premature attachment.
Abstinence is Protective of Your Body
When we are intimate with someone, there are a few physical things that can happen. We can catch a STD, or we can become pregnant. Of course, this is not something that will always happen, but it’s the risk that we are taking.
Yes, becoming pregnant is a beautiful thing, but it should be something that happens within a marriage. Having a child is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It is a huge responsibility and something you want to do with a spouse. There are far too many women who got pregnant by men who never wanted to commit to them. It’s a sad thing to see, because I am a believer that it is best for a child to have both parents in their life. Children are a blessing, but let’s have that blessing within marriage.
I never personally understood the idea of a one night stand or a woman having her “ho phase”. What always came to mind for me was the likelihood of catching an STD. And yes, you can catch an STD when sleeping with someone at a later time as well. That is why abstinence is important. Getting tested is important as well, because before you get married to your husband you want to know his health status as well as yours.
Abstinence Pleases God
The main reason why most people become abstinent is because that is how God wants us to live our lives. Of course, you do not need to be a Christian to wait until marriage. Other religions have the same standards as well. Also, there are people who don’t practice any religion who can choose to be abstinent as well. But since I am a Christian, my reason for abstinence is to please God.
In my opinion, this is the only reason needed to wait until marriage, but as discussed earlier there are many other benefits as well. When God calls us to live a certain way, there will be benefits to it naturally because he wants to protect us and be our covering. He loves us unconditionally and wants the best for us. His love is an example of how we need to view ourselves. We need to have self love and be protective of ourselves and want the best for ourselves as well. The best for ourselves does not come easy. It requires discipline and doing things we don’t want to do.
Living a life that is pleasing to God will be difficult, just like abstinence is difficult, but you will not regret it one bit.
Common Misconceptions About Abstinence
A Man Won’t Wait Until Marriage
If you ask a man if he would be willing to wait until marriage to have sex he will probably tell you no. However, that is not true. Some men are not willing to be abstinent, but the right man for you will. When a man truly wants to be with you and thinks you are the one he is willing to do way more than you could imagine.
Before a man gets to know you, he will usually give more pushback on abstinence, but when he starts to catch feelings for you, that way of thinking can change. Of course, there will be men who reject abstinence regardless of how they feel about you, but if that is the case, you know that is your sign to move on.
Staying firm on your decision to wait until marriage is very important when dating and in a relationship. It quickly eliminates the men who don’t align with your morals and boundaries. Your dating pool will definitely shrink because of your standards, but you are not trying to get married to multiple men. You just want to meet that one.
Think about it this way. God wants all unmarried people to be abstinent, so if He wants that for all of us, then He would give both men and women the strength to do so. Just because a man is a man doesn’t make it impossible for him to be abstinent. It is a choice that anybody can make. Becoming more physically disciplined and getting control of our fleshly desires is a struggle for both genders, so men don’t get a pass.
Abstinence is Unrealistic for Today’s World
One thing I hear a lot of people say today is that abstinence is unrealistic in today’s society. Some of the people who say this are Christians. I challenge you to think about it in a different way. Ask yourself is God unrealistic for today’s society? The answer is no, He is not. God will always be consistent, but society will not. The issue is society has brainwashed people into thinking sex is more important than God. Making us think we need to test out how intimacy will be before we get married. Making us afraid of having “bad sex” after marriage.
The truth is, if we only gave ourselves to our spouse, then we wouldn’t have all of these other people to compare the sex to. We have to realize that abstinence will never be unrealistic. It is the standard.
How to Practice Abstinence with Confidence
Understand Why You Are Choosing Abstinence
When we make a huge decision in our lives, it is always best to know why we are making this decision. When it comes to starting a weight loss journey, switching jobs, moving to a new state, or any other big decision, there is a reason you are doing it. Choosing to become abstinent is no different. When you have a clear reason for why you are choosing abstinence, this helps you better stick to your decision.
For me, my decision to become abstinent was rooted in my faith. I realized that when my choice wasn’t connected to my relationship with God, it didn’t hold up. I had a moment in the past where I chose abstinence for reasons that sounded good, but they weren’t strong enough to keep me on track. Because my why wasn’t solid, it was easy to slip back into old patterns.
In my opinion, God is the strongest foundation you can build this decision on. When your commitment comes from a desire to honor Him and grow spiritually, abstinence becomes more than a rule you’re trying to follow. It becomes an intentional act of self-love, discipline, and trust in God’s will. When your “why” is rooted in something bigger than you, it gives you the strength to stay aligned even when the journey gets challenging.
Communicate your boundaries early
Talking about abstinence while dating can feel intimidating. You may wonder what he’ll think, whether he’ll accept your decision, or if he’ll choose to walk away. These feelings are completely normal. But one thing to remember is this: no matter how someone responds, your decision doesn’t change. Your values don’t shift based on someone else’s reaction.
If you choose abstinence, you need a man who respects that choice fully and without pressure. Any man who can’t support your decision isn’t the right man for you, no matter how much you like him or how many boxes he checks off. A man who is meant for you will honor your beliefs.
When the topic of sex naturally comes up, be honest and clear about your choice to wait until marriage. You don’t have to rush the conversation, but you also don’t have to avoid it. When the moment feels right, share your boundary with confidence. Your delivery matters, because a man should feel your seriousness and understand that this is not a negotiable part of your life. It’s part of your values, your faith, and your self-love.
Surround yourself with supportive influences
One thing that can make choosing abstinence harder is being surrounded by people who don’t support your decision. Whether it’s friends, family, or coworkers, peer pressure is real. And when others make jokes about your choice or treat it like it’s unnecessary, it can affect you in ways you might not notice right away.
That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with people and content that align with your decision. Social media, podcasts, and YouTube videos influence us more than we think. And not all of the messages online support an abstinent or faith-based lifestyle. If you constantly hear viewpoints that go against your values, they can slowly weaken your commitment.
It’s surprising how quickly someone else’s opinions can start shaping your own. Before you know it, your commitment to abstinence can begin to fade. For me, listening to content from people who support a Christian and abstinent lifestyle makes a huge difference. It keeps me encouraged and aligned with the woman I’m choosing to become.
My Final Thoughts
I hope by now you can see how wonderful choosing a life of abstinence can be. You are not only showing love and honor to God, but you are showing self love for you. The peace and freedom that come with that decision is something that is hard to put into words until you have experienced it for yourself.
If you haven’t chosen abstinence yet, I encourage you to truly consider it. And if you’re already walking this path, I hope this reminded you that you’re moving in the right direction. For me, choosing abstinence has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and it has shaped my life in ways I’m grateful for every day.
If this encouraged you, share it with a friend who needs to hear this.
Thank you for checking out this post and I hope you have a blessed day.
Very good article